Some parents paint a specific picture of their children, and how they should run their lives and what they should accomplish, and if the children don’t take that specific path and fit the picture that the parents have drawn in their imagination, a torrent of harsh criticism, blame, and accusations of failure and mismanagement of their lives rained down on them.
Although these criticisms may be motivated by parental interest, their negative impact is difficult to overcome and children remain at a crossroads. Either obey the orders of the parents or choose his own path and fight against the rejection of his parents.
Even if you know that these criticisms are their own way of expressing their interest, it can arouse negative feelings in you, and to stop the negative impact of these criticisms, here are the tips that psychologists give you:
Wait a minute
It’s normal for criticism to make you angry, insulted or embarrassed, and you may respond defensively, which further complicates matters and turns the conversation into a heated argument.
To avoid this, wait a moment before reacting emotionally and try to go somewhere else or breathe deeply and calmly.
Understand their motivations
If you want to lessen the negative feelings that your parents’ criticism of you arouses, try to see things from their point of view and understand the reasons for their behavior.
Express what you need
Attention and criticism are linked for some, and that does not change the fact that these are harsh and hurtful words. If you know that criticism is how your family expresses their concern, share with them your understanding of their concern for you, and express what you need from them instead.
Separate your person and your action
Not everyone is able to express their criticism effectively, and some confuse the person themselves with their action, and instead of rejecting or criticizing the action, the criticism and rejection become directed at the person as herself.
And you can explain this to your family members and discuss with them how to give constructive criticism to the act and avoid attacking yourself, while maintaining their love and acceptance of you as you are.
I thank them for their efforts
Your thanks can reassure them that they’ve done their best job, that you’ve learned to make your own decisions and learn from your mistakes, and that they can relax and let you take charge.